Holiday Greetings

I waste enough paper at work. Consider this my tiny effort to be greener. I generally don't do Christmas cards anyway. For me it feels wrong, I get stuck in a rut and write the same thing in every card. It seems somehow impersonal and shallow.

Mind you, I adore every card I receive. I stack them on my mantle where they're always in view. I just have always felt weird about writing the cards myself. Maybe I'm just lazy.

So this is my virtual holiday card to all of you. I promise it won't go the way of the tortured “Xmas Letter” that spells out each of my pets daily triumphs or how Jody and I have taken up Yahtzee competitively. No, this will simply be a holiday greeting.

I say “holiday” because I have many friends who celebrate traditions other than Christmas. I do not consider this to be a war on Christmas. I consider this to be respectful and appreciative of the many traditions celebrated this time of year.

Whatever celebration you're preparing for, I think we can all agree this is a time for joy and reflection. We celebrate the hope and promise of the new year while reflecting on the past year. It's truly a magic and wondrous time for most of us.

I was very moved by a church service I attended last Sunday. The main message of the sermon was sharing our joy and our passion. We are all far too miserly with those items. We're almost ashamed of it. Why else would we ask people what they're up to when we catch them smiling? Why isn't our pat response, “I want to share what's causing you to smile like an utter goofball!”

This year, I'm challenging myself to be less stingy with my joy and my passion. My pledge is to be an unashamed smiling goofball … and share that goofiness and fun with anyone in my path. I challenge each of you to do the same. Let's make 2011 the Year of the Lopsided Grin.

Happy Holidays!

Are we in Rome?

Is this what it was like before Rome fell?

There are a number of theories posited for the fall of Rome. One could also argue Rome never fell, it simply adapted to change. But among the theories, the common themes are: decadence, financial woes, military problems and Christianity.

Sound vaguely familiar?

The Iraq war cost this country on so many different levels. The human toll alone is staggering. While the conflict helped line the pockets of companies such as Halliburton, the cost was astronomical to the U.S. Government. As of February of 2010, a whopping $704 trillion was spent. That number hasn't stopped rising as of this writing.

The Troubled Asset Relief Program, or TARP, was signed into law by President George W. Bush in 2008. The law provided $700 billion to bailout our financial system in the wake of the sub-prime mortgage crisis. Even conservatives argued the solution to a crisis created by excess credit wasn't MORE credit.

Our government and spiritual leaders are frequently caught red-handed spending tax payer dollars inappropriately or embroiled in tawdry scandals. Republicans rail against Health Care Reform and insist the American public should pay their own medical costs. However, none of them are giving up their own benefits … paid for by our tax dollars.

Further still, they want to extend huge tax breaks to the country's wealthiest, those making over $250,000 annually. The bulk of the nation's tax burden would rest on the shoulders of the rapidly shrinking middle class. With all this talk of saving the middle class, it seems curious that Republicans seem hell bent on widening the chasm between the haves and have nots. We may have added an extra party to our political system, but it would appear rich and poor will be the only classes to survive this brave new world.

We've raised a generation of children who believe jobs and success are their birthright. Since everyone is a winner, they don't need to work to succeed. They just sit and play video games, mark time in our rapidly declining education system and wait for good fortune to be handed to them. They've been taught no work ethic. Yet we're all scratching our heads as to why today's youth seem so disillusioned.

Our country has never been more divided. Much of that division is a result of far right conservative Christians who want to ignore the fact that church and state are separate by law. They also seem to forget this country was founded largely so the people could worship as they pleased.

The far right wants to take on the role of moral police. They validate themselves by the Bible they hold so dear, even though many of them haven't even read it. The far right won't be happy until they have converted everyone, by force it would seem, to Christianity. Once again, they don't want to talk about the fact Christianity is based on an amalgam of Pagan traditions. They also don't want anyone to know that most major religions have the same basic message at their core.

No one expects the far right to adopt or even like the views of other religions or cultures. Yet they march on like thugs in Jack boots, with the rest of us running a few steps ahead of their righteous bayonets. History has shown this tactic generally backfires spectacularly on the aggressor.

The United States is no longer united. Deep schisms in politics, religion and culture cut us to the quick. What happened to live an let live?

Decadence, failing finances, military failures and forced faith. We're swirling in a sickening vortex. Colonies were formed and a war fought to form a nation of live and let live over a century ago. Those pioneers came to this country seeking to worship and live as they pleased, away from the crushing thumb of tyranny.

Will the United States fall? As we know it, perhaps it already has. The more important question is are we in a period of decline or adaptation? Will we return to live and let live or will we simply fall away to smaller pieces?

Tamper evident gift giving and other insanity

Half awake and stunned, I stared at the carnage on my bathroom sink.  The toothpaste tube was still in my hand, the toothpaste lie in a useless blob on the vanity.  The safety seal at the mouth of the tube was a mangled mess.  One shiny bit of the silvery shield had adhered itself to my fingernail in my feverish attempts to liberate the Crest.  It sparkled in the bathroom light, mocking me.

In 1982, seven people died after taking Extra Strength Tylenol that were laced with cyanide.  No one has ever been charged with the crime.  The incident prompted the FDA to enact more stringent regulations on product packaging.  Tamper-proof or tamper-evident entered our lexicon and were there for our protection.

And that, my friends, is why you often find yourself clutching your aching head in one hand and repeatedly stabbing a Tylenol cap with a butter knife.

While frustrating, it is apparent why such precautions were necessary.  But before long, EVERYTHING from batteries to the vibrators they power were secured in blister pack.  Why tamper-evident packaging was necessary for these items, I’m not sure.  I’m relatively certain it had to do with keeping thieves at bay.  But seriously, with the magnetic alarm doo hickies that are all over products these days, is the added plastic armor really necessary?

Oh wait.  It keeps THESE guys in business.

Whether the purpose of blister pack is to keep consumers safe, prevent theft or just provide some corporate wonk some where a good laugh is anyone’s guess.  But the stuff has clearly pissed enough people off that Amazon.com is now marketing Frustration Free Packaging.

In fact, Amazon has a whole page explaining their Frustration Free packaging.  They’ve partnered with over 300 companies who provide them with products in said packaging.  The items come straight from the warehouse and are shipped to you requiring no more than a pen knife or a couple of snips of the scissors to open.

Bliss!

Amazon has long been my Christmas shopping destination of choice.  Let’s see:  Door Buster sale at 4 a.m. in the freezing cold on Black Friday – OR – 10 a.m., any day, in my pajamas with my laptop.  Gee, I’m not sure which one is better!  Besides, all those Frustration Free packages arriving on my doorstep makes several Christmases in one season!   The Frustration Free packaging is just a pretty ribbon tied on top of that lovely gift.  Here’s hoping other retailers follow suit.

A Reality Check

Many of us are feeling stung two days after the election.  It's not that many of us are surprised by what happened, we've seen it coming for months now.  It's the general dismay and deja vu that's so troubling.

We're back to liberal being a dirty word.  We're back to, even those of us who are moderates, being pinko socialists who hate freedom.  Those who hurl those slurs don't even stop to think about how off-base those remarks are ... nor do they care.

But let's set the record straight shall we?

1.  Most liberals do not hate freedom.  In fact, liberal and liberty have the same root. I'm sure such word nerdery makes me an elitist, but I embrace being smart.  I really don't understand why being smart is a bad thing.

2.  We aren't trying to take anything from anyone.  Meanwhile, the conservatives who are hailing themselves as beacons of freedom, want to deprive certain Americans from the right to marry.  They want there to be one Christian religion (a pretty big no no according to that CRAZY document, the Constitution).  Anyone who is Muslim is suspect.  Many of them even think the President IS a Muslim, even though there's not a shred of evidence pointing to this fact other than, what?  He's BROWN?  Really?

3.  Many of these people who are wrapping themselves in the American flag and crying freedom are the same folks who, after 9-11, festooned their vehicles with bumper stickers that read "FREEDOM ISN'T FREE."  You get called an elitist for laughing at such folly.

4.  Many of these so-called Constitutional Protectors wouldn't know the Constitution if it walked up and bit them on their freedom protecting asses.  That would require reading.  As we all know, reading is for elitist, socialist, pinko, fascist, communists who hate freedom. 

5.  These folks want your understanding of your government to be from a semi-coherent list of talking points that Glen Beck shouts at you.

I'll stop there. 

It all boils down to the simple fact that the two party system is horribly broken.  We are never going to get past just slight majorities on one side or the other.  Every mid-term election there is going to be either a conservative or liberal backlash against the previous perceived regime.  Politicians will still belong to lobbyists and corporations and not give a Tinker's damn about you and me ... regardless of our political leanings.

Friends, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for a different result.

I don't pretend to have all the answers but I will make a few predictions about the next Congressional term:

1.  All the promises of sweeping change will be swept under the rug.  Campaign promises?  The other word for that phrase is "lies."  Neither side will be able to get any traction to get any real change pushed through.  Besides they'll be too busy sucking on the Corporate Teat and scratching one anothers' backs.

2.  The country will not get itself out of debt.  We'll either wind up deeper in or bankrupt the world economy.  Neither option is good.  Congratulations you so-called fiscal conservatives!  Bravo!

3.  Billy Long will show us all how "fed up" he is by becoming the new darling of the K Street Lobbyists.  Even money on whether he's caught in a compromising personal situation or a financial scandal.  After all, Billy is a gambling man ... allegedly.

Finally, we're all going to come back to the same place in November of 2012.  We'll have this vague sense of deja vu.  More than likely that will be because we've come full circle once again.

Tea Party fun

Share this with all of the Tea Partiers you know.

Don't forget to vote tomorrow.

Sources say ...

Ok, let me understand this.  Anonymous sources who may or may not confirm Jennifer Case's allegations about Billy Long are not acceptable.  Anonymous sources who say John Q. Hammons isn't being allowed to see people or use the telephone ARE acceptable.

WTF News-Leader?

I've mentioned in this space before that without anonymous sources, often times journalism can't be accomplished.  But Jimminy Christmas David Stoeffler!  You can't have it both ways!  Either you DO or you DON'T use anonymous sources.

Oh I hear it now, the JQH sources are credible.  Why should I believe that?  Why should ANY of us believe that when you've completely white-washed Billy Long.  The love fest between you and the ol' auctioneer is sickening.

Going back to the JQH story, exactly how many times did you attempt to contact Jacquie Dowd?  Once, twice?  I think your readership is getting a bit of whiplash given the back and forth around your policies.

Love him or hate him, JQH is an enormous part of Springpatch.  I'm not saying this story shouldn't be covered to the hilt.  But good night Stoeffler, be consistent!

Apparently You CAN Buy an Election

The Springfield News-Leader has endorsed Billy Long for the Seventh District Congressional Race.  Long, it should be made clear, spends thousands of dollars advertising with the News-Leader.  Further, the N-L claims to still be "investigating" claims Long engaged in questionable behavior to include racist and homophobic remarks.  I'm guessing their "investigation" will conclude the second Tuesday of next week ... i.e. never.

Why bite the hand that feeds you, eh News-Leader?

I shouldn't be surprised, given the nearly incoherent headline written to endorse Mr. Long:

Billy Long best prepared to stand up for Ozarkers to stand up for Ozarkers

These two mental giants clearly belong together.

How tragic for the Ozarks.

I Can't Hear Myself Think

We've reached that delightful time of year, just a week before the November election, where the gears of the political machinery are grinding so fast they're deafening.  No commercial break on local television is without mudslinging.  Few yards are without signs.

Nearly all of us are dizzy from the whole mess.

I've consciously stopped watching local news.  In the break room at work, I get up and mute the television while eating.  I get enough punditry in cyberspace.  I don't want it droning on as I eat my salad and sandwich.  Besides, the commercials are the hardest to stomach.  They've ceased to have any meaning beyond, "ANGRY!  My opponent is STUPID, CORRUPT AND HATES PUPPIES.  VOTE FOR MEEEEEEEE!"

Each time the election cycle comes around, we all bemoan the attack ads.  Yet, like an embarrassing one night stand, they keep appearing when we least want to see them.  We're left squeezing our eyes shut and gritting our teeth at the polls, punching in votes as if our choice will at last bring us sweet silence.

Sadly it doesn't.  Campaign promises are forgotten.  Promises of bi-partisanship fly out the window.  Within weeks, both sides are gnashing their teeth at one another again.

Yet, as desperate as it all is, it's too important not to grit your teeth and push down that lever.  Without that simple act, we cease to exist as a free people.  

The Long Sad Story

Investigative journalism involves shoe leather, uncomfortable confrontations and tenacity. Essentially, the practice is almost non-existant at our local paper of record, the News-Leader. Cory DeVera and Wes Johnson played at it in their Sunday article about the Billy Long kerfluffle. They fell short of the mark.

Randy Turner called  DeVera and Johnson out on their lack of actual reporting. On Turner's blog, DeVera whined in the comments something to the effect of "we did TOO look into that stuff you meanie!"

Really?

DeVera asserts they have a bunch of "pending" requests for documents. Yet the story still ran with no mention that there was outstanding information to come. A rookie move in my humble opinion.

The alleged Billy Long scandal, to be sure, is the kind of thing that makes and editors and news directors salivate. It's a glaring example of what an incestuous ball of dysfunction politics in Springpatch has become. It's a no brainer the News-Leader would want in on the salacious titillation.

Sadly, that's all the News-Leader had to offer. There was a dearth of actual facts in the article, merely things spoon fed to the reporters by the Eckersley and Long campaigns respectively. I'm sure a few phone calls were made but very little follow up investigation was involved.

Is Billy Long a biggot who likes to gamble and look at strippers? Frankly, I'd be shocked if he wasn't. I'm more interested in the fact that the Republican party is holding fundraisers at a restaurant that may or may not engaged in illegal activity. They may or may not even be involved in alleged illegal activity.

Rather than spending a lot of time and energy torpedoing Jennifer Case's story, maybe the News-Leader should have talked to a few more folks. They chose to talk to current employees and both campaigns. If you talk to current employees, of course they're going to say what the boss wants them too. Both campaigns are going to lie through their teeth in which ever way makes the opponent look bad. No former employees came forward? I call hogwash, I'm pretty sure if you went to some of the folks Jennifer Case talked about and offered to write their story without printing their names you would have learned quite a bit more.

In fact, DeVera hints at as much in her comments to Turner.

We have a rich history of anonymous sources in the news business. There's no shame in it. It's just part of the job.

Further still, is the matter of the amount of advertising Long does with the News-Leader. Times are tough, I'm sure the bean counters at the paper are quite reluctant to bite the hands that feed them ... except the problem is, it's kind of your job as a journalist. I once had an editor tell me if I wasn't pissing numerous people off each week, I simply wasn't doing my job.

While we're on the subject of money, Turner also points out how none of the traditional outlets have made mention of the campaign contributions Long has received from Halliburton and Exxon Mobil. It would seem Mr. "Fed Up" has already learned how to use the time old methods of getting elected to office. So he's been bought out by two major corporations so far. Isn't that part of the problem in Washington he's been complaining about to his support base? Curious, isn't it?

The simple fact of the matter is campaign promises are like Kleenex, flimsy and disposable. Politicians will say anything to get elected. Long is only different from the pols in Washington by virtue of the fact he's nearly incoherent when he speaks.

I'm sure there are those who are concerned about Long's character. If Jennifer Case's allegations are true, Long is certainly not the person he represented himself to be to his political base. And yes, of course, it's a story.

But there is so much more there. Jennifer Case may or may not be completely factual with her story. But in my experience, where there's smoke there's fire. Something probably did go down at Metropolitan Grill that wasn't exactly on the up and up.

The News-Leader's job is to ferret out that sort of information, develop these types of stories. Apparently, that's too much work. As long as the News-Leader is satisfied to only report what it is told, we'll never know the truth.

Where in tarnation have you been?!

Yes, yes. La Marmot knows. She's been a very non-existent Marmot. I suppose I have some 'splainin to do.


Just before Snarlingmarmot.com disappeared, I was going through a lot of personal stuff. At that point, I wasn't ready to share with the Interwebs the swirling vortex of craptacular crap going on in my life. I also wasn't sure I was ready to handle the new me publicly.


Now that I'm almost 40, La Marmot just doesn't give a damn. ;-)


So, here's the long and the short of it. I killed Snarlingmarmot.com because I had just gone through a divorce and was in the process of coming out of the closet. Let me make that a little bit more clear, La Marmot is gay.


I am still friends with the ex-husband. We both came to terms and are at peace with who I am. It's so adult I could puke.


Over the last five years there have been a lot of changes. I've gone through a career change along with all of my personal changes. I'm also in a relationship. I've been with my partner, aka The Tall One, for close to three years now.


All that said, in addition to all the hijinx you're used to, I will discuss gay issues. If you have a problem with that, I suggest you find another blog to read. While I recognize your right to see me as an abomination in God's eyes who is going to hell, I reserve the right to see you ... well, the same. You aren't going to cure me of the "gay." I've come to terms with who I am and I'm comfortable in my own skin. No one is going to ever take that from me again. Move along.


Ahem.


Now we have that piece of business off the table, you'll find new and old stuff here. I don't want to start completely from scratch. Not to mention, if I manage to draw back two or three of my twelve readers from the old days, I'm sure they wouldn't mind a walk down memory lane.


And now, I pinky swear, let's get on with it ...