I’ve had one of those days where I find myself glad to be at the tail end of it. I was hard at work when I had the odd sensation of something moving across my foot. I jerked my head to one side and then caught movement out of the corner of one eye. The movement turned out to be a brown field mouse scampering across my office floor.
A beat later I put two and two together and realized the sensation on my foot had been, well, vermin. I am proud to say I didn’t scream … but only because I was too slow to realize what had happened.
This would more or less set the tone for my day.
After work, I had some business to conduct at a local florist. As I pulled into a parking space, I noticed a commotion at the far end of the lot. Two men were having a fist fight. Apparently, someone pissed someone else off in traffic and they decided to settle it mano y mano … except for one guy decided to settle the altercation with a hatchet he pulled from his truck.
It was at that point we all pulled out our cell phones, made note of license plates and got louder in our shouts for the two of them to cut it the fuck out. They then sped out of the parking lot and, speaking of vermin, the cops showed up fifteen minutes later.
Later still, I had to make a run to the charming and lovely Battlefield Mall to purchase some lotion because of the dry winter air. I had the GF with me. The GF LOATHES Bath and Body Works … and with good reason they stopped carrying her favorite Jasmine Vanilla Conditioner, the VERMIN.
By the time we left the store, she was in full on rant about how she couldn’t understand why they stopped carrying something that was pleasant hair conditioner in favor of carrying a products that would make your vajayjay smell like peaches … the GF is always quotable when I least expect it.
We capped the evening off by nearly running into even more vermin. Rounding the corner into our neighborhood, the GF ended her Bath and Body Works rant abruptly to shout, “Deer. Deer! DEER!!!!”
Fortunately, the VW stops on a dime. Actually, I think we stopped so suddenly we may have gone BACK in time. But we learned something important: while deer may not be too afraid of cars, they REALLY aren’t fond of the squealing of car brakes. Scattered like so many leaves and we made it home safe and sound.
I’m off to have shower, but I’m going to smell like mint instead of peaches. Heh.
La Marmot
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Everybody run, the homecoming queen is in DRAG!
I’m proud to announce that my alma mater did something so uncharacteristically liberal I nearly fainted. Well, let me back up, liberal for the time I was there. I suppose now it’s no big deal.
To wit, George Mason University elected a man as their homecoming queen. Junior Ryan Allen, a self-professed drag queen, was elected homecoming queen by Mason students earlier this month. And as you can see from the photo he makes a fetching young lass.
When I attended Mason, it was a staunchly conservative school. In fact, I wrote an article for the student paper there when the Gay and Lesbian student union was vandalized. Amazingly, even in an area as large as Metropolitan Washington, DC it was still hard to be gay in the early 90s.
I was very much in the closet then. I didn’t understand half the things I was thinking and feeling. Seems perhaps my college was having a similar identity crisis?
Now, if the Yahoo article is to be believed, gold ol’ GMU has gotten right progressive in it’s values. The Republican student quoted didn’t even seem too phased. Better still the school’s publicity wonk characterized the institution as being “very comfortable” with the election of Allen.
Mason, you’ve come a long way baby.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Why you shouldn't start dating near V day.
After looking at Les Bian's rant-driven post on Valentine's day, I find myself coming to the same conclusion. Please understand as my disclaimer that while Les was dressed in black and chowing on Chinese last year, I was right on the couch with her. Miserable. Kinda pissed, even.
That said...
This is my first Vday with a boyfriend. With a relationship. Ever. And unfortunately, I am SO ready for the day to be over. It probably didn't help that my partner is working this weekend...and I can't enjoy his company. But that's okay...he's been around for nearly a year, anyway.
Valentine's day means little to me. Perhaps that's because my parents, in their infinite wisdom, choose the "most romantic day of the year" to be married. Yeah, you can commence gagging and dry heaves. God knows I have YEARS of experience on that now. To boot, my one and only sibling was born nearly two years to the day after their wedding.
Know how many Valentine's days in my entire life have EVER been remotely about me? If you guess anything above zero, you're overestimating.
To boot, my partner and I are nearly to our one-year anniversary. He became a little nervous about how to navigate Vday this first year. I'm pretty much a romantic at heart--I read entirely too much, and while Hollywood has influenced my view of romance, literature holds the primary responsibility for my misguided understanding of love. The conversation went something like this:
"So, I have part of your Valentine's present ready."
"Ohhhhh-kayyyyyy. Whatja get me?"
"Right. Like I'm just going to tell you. Do I look dumb or something? Don't answer that."
"Well, whatja get me, anyway?"
"I'm not telling you. But it's fitting."
I can sort of tell when panic sets in, despite his protestations; his voice gets tighter. After a rousing 30-second game of "Why won't you tell me?/Why do you need to know?", I ended the conversation with the mother of all responses.
"Are you asking because you want to know, or so you can know what to get me?"
"No. Maybe. Ummm...."
"Uh-huh. I thought so. Sweetie, darling, love of my life, I don't care what you get me." Bold-faced LIE. "I just want to know you put a little thought into it." TRUTH. (The effective way to lie is to follow it up with absolute truth.)
He mumbled something...or grumbled. I can't really tell.
"Okay, point." I let loose on the parent's anniversary/birthday thing. "The truth is I really just want you to acknolwedge I'm important to you and that there's a romantic attachment here. That's it. Other than that, you're not getting a clue from me."
"So this is a test. Great."
"Not a test, no. Kinda. I just am saying that if it seems a bit cliche, you're probably on track."
"Crap."
For the record, he asked the next day where I'd like to sit--hypothetically, of course--if we were to go to the theatre.
But this brought up a conundrum. Why would someone make such a big deal about a holiday like this? Yes, it has religious roots--I was raised Catholic, I know a tad about St. Valentine. But it's totally commercialized, not unlike Christmas, Halloween, and Easter. I'd much rather celebrate our anniversary, anyway. It's more important to me.
That said...
This is my first Vday with a boyfriend. With a relationship. Ever. And unfortunately, I am SO ready for the day to be over. It probably didn't help that my partner is working this weekend...and I can't enjoy his company. But that's okay...he's been around for nearly a year, anyway.
Valentine's day means little to me. Perhaps that's because my parents, in their infinite wisdom, choose the "most romantic day of the year" to be married. Yeah, you can commence gagging and dry heaves. God knows I have YEARS of experience on that now. To boot, my one and only sibling was born nearly two years to the day after their wedding.
Know how many Valentine's days in my entire life have EVER been remotely about me? If you guess anything above zero, you're overestimating.
To boot, my partner and I are nearly to our one-year anniversary. He became a little nervous about how to navigate Vday this first year. I'm pretty much a romantic at heart--I read entirely too much, and while Hollywood has influenced my view of romance, literature holds the primary responsibility for my misguided understanding of love. The conversation went something like this:
"So, I have part of your Valentine's present ready."
"Ohhhhh-kayyyyyy. Whatja get me?"
"Right. Like I'm just going to tell you. Do I look dumb or something? Don't answer that."
"Well, whatja get me, anyway?"
"I'm not telling you. But it's fitting."
I can sort of tell when panic sets in, despite his protestations; his voice gets tighter. After a rousing 30-second game of "Why won't you tell me?/Why do you need to know?", I ended the conversation with the mother of all responses.
"Are you asking because you want to know, or so you can know what to get me?"
"No. Maybe. Ummm...."
"Uh-huh. I thought so. Sweetie, darling, love of my life, I don't care what you get me." Bold-faced LIE. "I just want to know you put a little thought into it." TRUTH. (The effective way to lie is to follow it up with absolute truth.)
He mumbled something...or grumbled. I can't really tell.
"Okay, point." I let loose on the parent's anniversary/birthday thing. "The truth is I really just want you to acknolwedge I'm important to you and that there's a romantic attachment here. That's it. Other than that, you're not getting a clue from me."
"So this is a test. Great."
"Not a test, no. Kinda. I just am saying that if it seems a bit cliche, you're probably on track."
"Crap."
For the record, he asked the next day where I'd like to sit--hypothetically, of course--if we were to go to the theatre.
But this brought up a conundrum. Why would someone make such a big deal about a holiday like this? Yes, it has religious roots--I was raised Catholic, I know a tad about St. Valentine. But it's totally commercialized, not unlike Christmas, Halloween, and Easter. I'd much rather celebrate our anniversary, anyway. It's more important to me.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Keep your romance out of the commercial pressure cooker
I’m most definitely NOT going out for Valentine’s Day. Look, just a year ago I was still dressing in black and eating Chinese food in protest of the holiday. So consider that your disclaimer for this post.
I find Valentine’s Day, at least the way we’ve come to celebrate it, makes a mockery out of love in because many feel pressured into proving their love to their mate and always falling short of expectations.
How is that romantic?
The folks at Hallmark, the florist and the jewelers got together, through brilliant marketing, and made Valentine’s Day the commercial monster it is. The idea, you see, is to prove your love by spending hundreds if not thousands of bucks on candy, flowers, jewelry and cards.
So, love = money? What?
It’s high time we all stop feeling the pressure to spend tons of money to prove we care.
While I won’t go so far as to criticize those companies for trying to make a buck, that is the American way, I will go far enough to say that spending money in and of itself does not equate love. In fact, there are many ways to show love without spending a dime and often those things are far more priceless than the biggest rock you can purchase.
A backrub, pitching in with the housework, taking your partner to the doctor, listening when he/she has a problem, going for a walk together … all of those things cost no money but show you care. And they’re also things you should be doing on a daily basis, not just this one magical day. Like all living things, love needs nurturing. It needs tending constantly.
While special occasions like Valentine’s Day are a great opportunity to celebrate your love, you shouldn’t feel pressured into spending a crap ton of money. Far too often, I hear tales of paramours going out for an “intimate” dinner on Valentine’s where they had to book months in advance, spend a ridiculous sum of money only to find themselves packed into a corner with goo gobs of other lovers.
Not exactly intimate is it?
Florists have to jack up their prices because of demand, as do jewelry and candy stores. It all quickly devolves into an expensive, high pressure debacle and it doesn’t have to be. You don’t have to do it all.
No where is it written that you have to conform to the notion you have to buy a bunch of expensive stuff and an expensive dinner to be a loving partner.
I realize its February, but it won’t be overly cold this weekend. You and your sweetie could go to the zoo or the park. You could go to the movies and have lunch. Lunch places will still be crowded but not nearly as nutty as they will be at night. You could even go bowling. You could even simply just stay home. That can be quite sexy and loving in its own right. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you take time out to do something you both enjoy together.
I find Valentine’s Day, at least the way we’ve come to celebrate it, makes a mockery out of love in because many feel pressured into proving their love to their mate and always falling short of expectations.
How is that romantic?
The folks at Hallmark, the florist and the jewelers got together, through brilliant marketing, and made Valentine’s Day the commercial monster it is. The idea, you see, is to prove your love by spending hundreds if not thousands of bucks on candy, flowers, jewelry and cards.
So, love = money? What?
It’s high time we all stop feeling the pressure to spend tons of money to prove we care.
While I won’t go so far as to criticize those companies for trying to make a buck, that is the American way, I will go far enough to say that spending money in and of itself does not equate love. In fact, there are many ways to show love without spending a dime and often those things are far more priceless than the biggest rock you can purchase.
A backrub, pitching in with the housework, taking your partner to the doctor, listening when he/she has a problem, going for a walk together … all of those things cost no money but show you care. And they’re also things you should be doing on a daily basis, not just this one magical day. Like all living things, love needs nurturing. It needs tending constantly.
While special occasions like Valentine’s Day are a great opportunity to celebrate your love, you shouldn’t feel pressured into spending a crap ton of money. Far too often, I hear tales of paramours going out for an “intimate” dinner on Valentine’s where they had to book months in advance, spend a ridiculous sum of money only to find themselves packed into a corner with goo gobs of other lovers.
Not exactly intimate is it?
Florists have to jack up their prices because of demand, as do jewelry and candy stores. It all quickly devolves into an expensive, high pressure debacle and it doesn’t have to be. You don’t have to do it all.
No where is it written that you have to conform to the notion you have to buy a bunch of expensive stuff and an expensive dinner to be a loving partner.
I realize its February, but it won’t be overly cold this weekend. You and your sweetie could go to the zoo or the park. You could go to the movies and have lunch. Lunch places will still be crowded but not nearly as nutty as they will be at night. You could even go bowling. You could even simply just stay home. That can be quite sexy and loving in its own right. It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you take time out to do something you both enjoy together.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Things I learned this week
From the rugby practice I went to:
Spectating rugby can be as much of a contact sport as the actual sport. Surprisingly, a rugby ball to the face hurts less than you think it might.
From my blond twin:
Broccoli does not belong in breakfast. This point cannot be emphasized enough.
From my girlfriend:
I have a slight problem with hooded sweatshirts. I apparently own thirteen that I actually wear. More are lurking wadded in the closet. The GF is staging an intervention.
From my own experience:
The period before my period causes me to want to eat an entire case of Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs.
Spectating rugby can be as much of a contact sport as the actual sport. Surprisingly, a rugby ball to the face hurts less than you think it might.
From my blond twin:
Broccoli does not belong in breakfast. This point cannot be emphasized enough.
From my girlfriend:
I have a slight problem with hooded sweatshirts. I apparently own thirteen that I actually wear. More are lurking wadded in the closet. The GF is staging an intervention.
From my own experience:
The period before my period causes me to want to eat an entire case of Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs.
Friday, February 6, 2009
What marriage do you want?
Probably, I won't say anything new here, and that's okay. Still, I want to rant about the marriage concept the predominant culture seems so inclined to "protect." And if we actually looked at those silly things called "facts", everyone might notice that maybe--just possibly--nobody would want marriage in the first place.
Please understand, before I get started and before you send angry emails to me or to Les Bian, I'm a full advocate of equal rights. It won't be equal until it's 100% equal, as far as I'm concerned. But we're arguing over a term that may not be of interest to any of us, if we really understood it.
Let's say, for the poor sake of argument, we wish to fight for marriage equal to that indicated in Scripture. I don't think any of us who want marriage rights for the LGBT community really want that for ourselves. And if we do, our partners may disagree with the option on other grounds! Let's start at the very beginning, because if Julie Andrews taught good gay boys and lesbian girls anything, the beginning is a very good place to start!
Adam and Eve. The only reason they ended up together is because otherwise Adam would've resorted to beastiality. I somehow doubt that'll fly for most of the LGBT community.
Abram (Abraham) and Sarai (Sarah). Okay. That'd be all right, if we totally ignore how Abraham had sex with Sarai's servant girl in order to have an heir. By the way, that's what eventually led to the split between the Israelites and the much-later followers of Islam. Do we really want that in our mix? I'm thinking no.
Samson and Delilah. Okay. Bad example from the outset. She tricks him so she can cut off his masculinity...in the form of his hair. This one's self-explanatory. (Men everywhere just crossed their legs while considering this one.)
Joseph and Mary. I'd probably go for this, but we might want to be a little cautious. According to Catholic lore, Joseph got no nookie. Ever. I'm guessing that won't go over well. (I don't even think heterosexuals would go for that option.)
The Wedding at Cana. Really great party. We know nothing of the marriage that followed. NEXT.
We can't even mention Jesus. According to traditional understanding, Jesus was a loner. Now, there are a few theologians who argued differently...some even positing that Jesus may have been gay. Hence the whole thing about John being a "beloved disciple". Still, that's no concrete example of what marriage is or should be.
If we are to look to Scripture as a guide--and I'm speaking to the men for a moment, here--there's the whole Joshua and David thing. Vaguely, I recall something being mentioned about "closer than a brother." Looking at linguistics, "brother" was often considered WAY more than what we mean now. In addition the option of sharing parents, the term would equally equate the closest male companion of a male (or, in fewer cases, a female). In some cultures, "brother" or "sister" even referred to one's spouse.
So maybe we decide Scripture's not the best source. That's okay, too. Let's go to history and see how marriage looked.
Marriage as a contract. Purely a legal term, we want only to be able to take our partner's property, and be able to have control over their rights. Generally, this aligns pretty closely with what we seem to be arguing for with "civil unions." The only problem with this idea is that is has nothing to do with love or a recognition of commitment. It's purely a legal concept and could be annulled.
Marriage as a relationship. Add to the contract concept that we are a committed couple. Okay, that works. Except that even with marriage identified as a "special relationship", it doesn't say anything about the historical or traditional concepts of marriage. When marriage was seen as a special relationship, men often had additional women for sexual gratification. While this appeals to some, I'm guessing there will be people in an uproar over that.
We can also add to this the ideas of polygamy (or rarer cases of polygyny). That throws a big kink into our hose of marriage. Personally, that doesn't appeal to me--but if it works for other people...I guess they have their own battle to fight.
History shows that Marriage as a sacramental union didn't really happen until sometime between the 11th and 13th Centuries. The argument is over a term that wasn't in existence a LOT longer than it HAS been in exsitence. (You know, if you consider a few hundred thousand years a "long time", that is.)
Let's understand where we are now:
As a spiritual/religious person, yeah. I do. I want to be able to look at my partner, know he's mine in both my eyes and God's. That's a personal understanding, between me, my partner, and God.
I want my church to recognize our relationship as special, as blessed, and as fully committed. But that's my argument with my church. Not the state.
I want my family to recognize us as a unit, one pair that is always a pair, not simply two seperate entities who get sexual release from one another. (Though somehow, I kind of doubt my family even wants to think about me having sex. Period. Male or female doesn't matter here. I'm pretty sure they think I'm still chaste, despite having been partnered nearly a year!) And despite all that, that's my argument with my family.
More than anything, I want my state and my country to admit that my partner and I deserve equal rights under the banner of the law. We deserve to be able to visit one another in a hospital without hassles. We deserve to be able to interview for positions without the fear of discrimination based solely on our sexual preferences, just like any other couple.*** We deserve being able to get health coverage for one another through our jobs, just like any other couple.
Maybe it would simply be better if we did go to Switzerland's form of the argument. Take marriage out of legal vocabulary. EVERYONE gets civil unions. That's it. You want a "marriage", something sanctified by your church? Take that part up with your church, and fight with them for that concept. If you want equal rights under the law, fight with your state and your country.
And a note to church leaders who might be reading this--though I doubt that's a likelihood. If you want to get involved in the debate, that's fine by me. But before you do, check your tax-exempt status with the IRS, and start paying taxes like me. You can preach all you want about "saving marriage" then, and be a taxpaying person doing it. Otherwise, keep it to yourself or your after-service coffee & donught hour. Leave my bedroom out of this...I don't come to your church and tell you who you can't sleep with. Don't come to my state and tell me who I can't sleep with.
(I'm a bit bitter today. It's been a rough week.)
***As a total aside...while typing that line, I immediately went to the gutter. If you aren't mad about nondiscrimination policies, consider this. A guy who likes it when his girlfriend uses toys on him doesn't get discriminated against for that, but in some work environments, you can be discriminated against for being a boy who likes boys or a girl who likes girls. Glorious, ain't it?
Please understand, before I get started and before you send angry emails to me or to Les Bian, I'm a full advocate of equal rights. It won't be equal until it's 100% equal, as far as I'm concerned. But we're arguing over a term that may not be of interest to any of us, if we really understood it.
Let's say, for the poor sake of argument, we wish to fight for marriage equal to that indicated in Scripture. I don't think any of us who want marriage rights for the LGBT community really want that for ourselves. And if we do, our partners may disagree with the option on other grounds! Let's start at the very beginning, because if Julie Andrews taught good gay boys and lesbian girls anything, the beginning is a very good place to start!
Adam and Eve. The only reason they ended up together is because otherwise Adam would've resorted to beastiality. I somehow doubt that'll fly for most of the LGBT community.
Abram (Abraham) and Sarai (Sarah). Okay. That'd be all right, if we totally ignore how Abraham had sex with Sarai's servant girl in order to have an heir. By the way, that's what eventually led to the split between the Israelites and the much-later followers of Islam. Do we really want that in our mix? I'm thinking no.
Samson and Delilah. Okay. Bad example from the outset. She tricks him so she can cut off his masculinity...in the form of his hair. This one's self-explanatory. (Men everywhere just crossed their legs while considering this one.)
Joseph and Mary. I'd probably go for this, but we might want to be a little cautious. According to Catholic lore, Joseph got no nookie. Ever. I'm guessing that won't go over well. (I don't even think heterosexuals would go for that option.)
The Wedding at Cana. Really great party. We know nothing of the marriage that followed. NEXT.
We can't even mention Jesus. According to traditional understanding, Jesus was a loner. Now, there are a few theologians who argued differently...some even positing that Jesus may have been gay. Hence the whole thing about John being a "beloved disciple". Still, that's no concrete example of what marriage is or should be.
If we are to look to Scripture as a guide--and I'm speaking to the men for a moment, here--there's the whole Joshua and David thing. Vaguely, I recall something being mentioned about "closer than a brother." Looking at linguistics, "brother" was often considered WAY more than what we mean now. In addition the option of sharing parents, the term would equally equate the closest male companion of a male (or, in fewer cases, a female). In some cultures, "brother" or "sister" even referred to one's spouse.
So maybe we decide Scripture's not the best source. That's okay, too. Let's go to history and see how marriage looked.
Marriage as a contract. Purely a legal term, we want only to be able to take our partner's property, and be able to have control over their rights. Generally, this aligns pretty closely with what we seem to be arguing for with "civil unions." The only problem with this idea is that is has nothing to do with love or a recognition of commitment. It's purely a legal concept and could be annulled.
Marriage as a relationship. Add to the contract concept that we are a committed couple. Okay, that works. Except that even with marriage identified as a "special relationship", it doesn't say anything about the historical or traditional concepts of marriage. When marriage was seen as a special relationship, men often had additional women for sexual gratification. While this appeals to some, I'm guessing there will be people in an uproar over that.
We can also add to this the ideas of polygamy (or rarer cases of polygyny). That throws a big kink into our hose of marriage. Personally, that doesn't appeal to me--but if it works for other people...I guess they have their own battle to fight.
History shows that Marriage as a sacramental union didn't really happen until sometime between the 11th and 13th Centuries. The argument is over a term that wasn't in existence a LOT longer than it HAS been in exsitence. (You know, if you consider a few hundred thousand years a "long time", that is.)
Let's understand where we are now:
- Marriage is a person-to-person thing...not like it was when it originated as a family-to-family contract.
- States can choose to acknolwedge any contract they so choose.
- The church only acts as an agent of the state in the matter of marriage. They serve merely as a witness.
- We're arguing over a church-based understanding of a term, not a legal understanding.
As a spiritual/religious person, yeah. I do. I want to be able to look at my partner, know he's mine in both my eyes and God's. That's a personal understanding, between me, my partner, and God.
I want my church to recognize our relationship as special, as blessed, and as fully committed. But that's my argument with my church. Not the state.
I want my family to recognize us as a unit, one pair that is always a pair, not simply two seperate entities who get sexual release from one another. (Though somehow, I kind of doubt my family even wants to think about me having sex. Period. Male or female doesn't matter here. I'm pretty sure they think I'm still chaste, despite having been partnered nearly a year!) And despite all that, that's my argument with my family.
More than anything, I want my state and my country to admit that my partner and I deserve equal rights under the banner of the law. We deserve to be able to visit one another in a hospital without hassles. We deserve to be able to interview for positions without the fear of discrimination based solely on our sexual preferences, just like any other couple.*** We deserve being able to get health coverage for one another through our jobs, just like any other couple.
Maybe it would simply be better if we did go to Switzerland's form of the argument. Take marriage out of legal vocabulary. EVERYONE gets civil unions. That's it. You want a "marriage", something sanctified by your church? Take that part up with your church, and fight with them for that concept. If you want equal rights under the law, fight with your state and your country.
And a note to church leaders who might be reading this--though I doubt that's a likelihood. If you want to get involved in the debate, that's fine by me. But before you do, check your tax-exempt status with the IRS, and start paying taxes like me. You can preach all you want about "saving marriage" then, and be a taxpaying person doing it. Otherwise, keep it to yourself or your after-service coffee & donught hour. Leave my bedroom out of this...I don't come to your church and tell you who you can't sleep with. Don't come to my state and tell me who I can't sleep with.
(I'm a bit bitter today. It's been a rough week.)
***As a total aside...while typing that line, I immediately went to the gutter. If you aren't mad about nondiscrimination policies, consider this. A guy who likes it when his girlfriend uses toys on him doesn't get discriminated against for that, but in some work environments, you can be discriminated against for being a boy who likes boys or a girl who likes girls. Glorious, ain't it?
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Straight Talk from the Angry Dyke
If I never hear the words, “If only we as a community would stop/start (insert whatever gay activity is deemed inappropriate at the moment or whatever heteronormative fad is pressing) the straight community would take us seriously,” it will be too soon. As silly as it is, “We’re here. We’re queer. Get used to it,” is far more empowering and a MUCH better message to send.
I’m going to put it bluntly gang, we need to respect ourselves. We bitch and piss and moan about how everyone looks down on us and thinks we’re degenerates and treats us as second class citizens. And do you know why? Because a large number of us believe that’s how we deserve to be treated.
Now don’t go sending me piles of angry emails about how we deserve the same rights as straight folk and we’re being underrepresented and unrecognized … yes, you’re right, we absolutely are. Yes, we need to fight for our rights and organize and work together. Don’t think for a moment I’m disputing that.
My point is we have to start presenting a public face that says, “Yes, I’m gay and I’m fine with it. In fact, I’m proud of who I am. I’m a relevant, righteous and respected member of my community and if you have a problem with me, well that’s YOUR problem.” People respect people who respect themselves.
I’m not saying we have it easy. No one denies we’ve had hate and discontent shoved down our throats throughout the ages. And that’s not going to change. What can change is how we react to it.
All too often, rather than argue and fight back against those who slander and malign us we just whimper about how badly we’re treated. Cut that garbage out right this instant.
Stop asking for respect. Expect it. Stop begging for tolerance. Demand it. Stop hoping we’re going to gain equality and rights. Fight for what is rightfully yours to begin with.
All of this starts with self-respect. Love you for who you are and MOST of the rest of the world will follow.
I’m going to put it bluntly gang, we need to respect ourselves. We bitch and piss and moan about how everyone looks down on us and thinks we’re degenerates and treats us as second class citizens. And do you know why? Because a large number of us believe that’s how we deserve to be treated.
Now don’t go sending me piles of angry emails about how we deserve the same rights as straight folk and we’re being underrepresented and unrecognized … yes, you’re right, we absolutely are. Yes, we need to fight for our rights and organize and work together. Don’t think for a moment I’m disputing that.
My point is we have to start presenting a public face that says, “Yes, I’m gay and I’m fine with it. In fact, I’m proud of who I am. I’m a relevant, righteous and respected member of my community and if you have a problem with me, well that’s YOUR problem.” People respect people who respect themselves.
I’m not saying we have it easy. No one denies we’ve had hate and discontent shoved down our throats throughout the ages. And that’s not going to change. What can change is how we react to it.
All too often, rather than argue and fight back against those who slander and malign us we just whimper about how badly we’re treated. Cut that garbage out right this instant.
Stop asking for respect. Expect it. Stop begging for tolerance. Demand it. Stop hoping we’re going to gain equality and rights. Fight for what is rightfully yours to begin with.
All of this starts with self-respect. Love you for who you are and MOST of the rest of the world will follow.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Flirtatious voting and other oddities
Women hit on me in restrooms. Sure, the first few times it happened it freaked me out. Then it just became one of those things that happened with frightening regularity.
Not long after I first came out, a very drunk, straight woman tried to make out with me in the loo at Martha’s. She wrapped her arms around me, declared my beauty and was just about to kiss me when I saw this sheepish looking guy standing in the doorway. She whipped around to see what I was looking at.
“Oh, him? He’s just my husband.”
Yeah. That was awkward.
Upon reflection, I realize that I never get hit on in a normal fashion. Women flirt with me at work (again in the can), at the dry cleaners, and there was even that memorable gal who chatted me up over tomatillos at the grocery. I’m not the kind of girl who gets play just hanging out at the bar or some place one would typically go to meet someone.
Today, I got hit on at my polling place. I went to do my civic duty, vote on the sales tax and try to pick one of the mayoral candidates that wasn’t crazy … not sure I was successful, but let’s hope I picked the lesser of numerous evils.
I digress.
As I was leaving, I made my way across the parking lot and there was a large pile of snow between me and my car. I had my boots on, so I commenced scaling.
Then I heard this sultry voice behind me, “You think that snow is hard enough to hold us up?”
I turned to see a tall, dark-haired woman in workout gear. She flashed me a large smile and gave me the once over. Ugh.
And of course this has gotten worse since I got in a relationship. What is it about unavailability that makes one more attractive? Further, I wasn’t even looking all that attractive. I’d had a full day at the office, was disheveled and was dressed in what can only be describe as early tree (lots of brown).
She was giving me this weird look like she half-expected I was going to help her over the berm of snow in some chivalrous gesture.
Yeah, right. She was far taller and in far better shape than I. Given we were at a school and her workout gear, I kind of wondered if she was the P.E. teacher. Because stereotypes are funny because they’re based in fact. Sigh.
Not long after I first came out, a very drunk, straight woman tried to make out with me in the loo at Martha’s. She wrapped her arms around me, declared my beauty and was just about to kiss me when I saw this sheepish looking guy standing in the doorway. She whipped around to see what I was looking at.
“Oh, him? He’s just my husband.”
Yeah. That was awkward.
Upon reflection, I realize that I never get hit on in a normal fashion. Women flirt with me at work (again in the can), at the dry cleaners, and there was even that memorable gal who chatted me up over tomatillos at the grocery. I’m not the kind of girl who gets play just hanging out at the bar or some place one would typically go to meet someone.
Today, I got hit on at my polling place. I went to do my civic duty, vote on the sales tax and try to pick one of the mayoral candidates that wasn’t crazy … not sure I was successful, but let’s hope I picked the lesser of numerous evils.
I digress.
As I was leaving, I made my way across the parking lot and there was a large pile of snow between me and my car. I had my boots on, so I commenced scaling.
Then I heard this sultry voice behind me, “You think that snow is hard enough to hold us up?”
I turned to see a tall, dark-haired woman in workout gear. She flashed me a large smile and gave me the once over. Ugh.
And of course this has gotten worse since I got in a relationship. What is it about unavailability that makes one more attractive? Further, I wasn’t even looking all that attractive. I’d had a full day at the office, was disheveled and was dressed in what can only be describe as early tree (lots of brown).
She was giving me this weird look like she half-expected I was going to help her over the berm of snow in some chivalrous gesture.
Yeah, right. She was far taller and in far better shape than I. Given we were at a school and her workout gear, I kind of wondered if she was the P.E. teacher. Because stereotypes are funny because they’re based in fact. Sigh.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Mac Girl Goes PC, Hell Freezes Over, Girlfriend Annoyed
GF: Really? You're going to blog about your new computer?
Me: What?
GF: Nothing in your world can be validated unless you blog about it, huh?
So yes, it's true. My beloved Mac iBook kind of bit the dust. So I bought one those mini-laptop thingies.
Shh ... I secretly like it. The Minibook weighs like three pounds and is the size of a hardback book. It's wireless and I can carry it anywhere ... which might prove to be quite interesting.
Especially since it's so small the cats think it's their blogging device. I left the machine unattended for five minutes only to come back to find Captain poised in front of it.
Captain: YOOOOWWWWWLLLL.
Me: But it's my computer.
Captain: ROOOOWWWLLLL! FFFT.
Ok, so maybe I'll be adding Disgruntled Pussy posts here as well.
Me: What?
GF: Nothing in your world can be validated unless you blog about it, huh?
So yes, it's true. My beloved Mac iBook kind of bit the dust. So I bought one those mini-laptop thingies.
Shh ... I secretly like it. The Minibook weighs like three pounds and is the size of a hardback book. It's wireless and I can carry it anywhere ... which might prove to be quite interesting.
Especially since it's so small the cats think it's their blogging device. I left the machine unattended for five minutes only to come back to find Captain poised in front of it.
Captain: YOOOOWWWWWLLLL.
Me: But it's my computer.
Captain: ROOOOWWWLLLL! FFFT.
Ok, so maybe I'll be adding Disgruntled Pussy posts here as well.
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